Take five: “Change begins when we stop accepting violence as normal”

Authors: Avindi Perera and Diego De La Rosa

Chathurika Jayalath is Programme Manager for Gender and Development at the Foundation for Innovative Social Development, where she supported the pilot “Happy Family” programme, a community-based model aimed at challenging harmful gender norms and preventing violence against women and girls across four districts in Sri Lanka. The pilot, implemented in 2024–2025 under the UN Women “Pathways to Peace” project funded by the Government of Japan, recognized that women’s economic empowerment can lead to backlash, including domestic violence. The intervention targeted women entrepreneurs and their male partners or other adult household members, to strengthen their capacity to use non-violent conflict-resolution methods. Chathurika recently shared findings from the pilot at a Social Norms and Behaviour Change Training Learning Series under the THRIVE Programme, organized by UN Women Sri Lanka and the Prevention Collaborative.

What are some key lessons of the “Happy Family” programme?

Change begins with questioning. When community members, especially men, were invited to critically reflect on the costs of harmful gender norms and patriarchal masculinities, it created space for genuine transformation.

Safe spaces matter. Women repeatedly shared that having spaces to build their confidence, leadership and self-awareness, without fear or judgment, was foundational to challenging violence.

Collective care builds collective action. The pilot demonstrated that when communities come together to reflect, understand, support and imagine a shared vision of safety and equality, they are more motivated to act together and sustain change. Shifting norms takes time and trust.

From your perspective, what makes community-based approaches effective in preventing violence against women and girls?

Community-based approaches are effective because they centre local voices and experiences. People are more willing to change when they are part of shaping the process. They challenge normalized violence. In many communities, violence against women and girls is seen as “private” or “normal.” Community engagement helps people unlearn these harmful beliefs.

What issues did you and the team face when trying to shift gender norms?

Some men feared losing power or control, while some women were hesitant to speak up due to long-standing internalized norms. Women also felt guilt and self-pity, which became a barrier to their inner power and self-care.

Many communities lacked visible male allies who could model alternative, non-violent masculinities. And even if there were, they feared labelling. Survivors of violence often faced blame or silence.

It took time to build trust, normalize conversations around violence and change service-providers’ attitudes. But with persistent community engagement, structured reflection and consistent facilitator support, we began seeing shifts in how people thought, spoke and acted.

In your experience, how can future programmes like THRIVE ensure men are meaningfully engaged in preventing violence?

Men must be seen not just as perpetrators or gatekeepers, but as partners and allies in change. Future programmes should engage men at very young ages and continuously, not as an afterthought. They should create reflective, non-judgmental spaces where men can talk about masculinities, privileges, power and relationships without shame. They should highlight the benefits of gender equality, like emotional well-being, stronger family bonds and reduced conflict. Programmes should encourage male allyship by training and supporting community male change-makers who model positive behaviours and call out harmful norms.

What message would you share with others who want to take similar action?

Start by listening – to survivors, women and marginalized groups. Violence is rooted in unequal power and gender norms that we must all help transform.

Change begins when we stop accepting violence as normal and start imagining safer, more just communities for everyone. Always remember that change is possible. When communities come together with a shared purpose, take ownership and reflect honestly, they can build new norms that support dignity, care and equality for all.