Bella, an academician & researcher

My shining spot needs to be somewhere ahead

Date: 5 March 2015
Author: Thanakarn Vongvisitsin (Bella)

Within the society of discrimination and misunderstanding, to become a ‘truly’ well-accepted woman is not easy. For the whole life, we have fought for justice of treatment towards fundamental essentials to live equally.

My original commencement was a poor kindergarten girl trapped in a very cute boy body with an ‘elephant.’ Surprisingly, during my childhood, I always felt curious why I have an ‘elephant’ like my dad. I thought I am not a boy and was trying to find the answer by own body exploration. Well, my dad might want me to be a boy, so he could ask the doctor who delivered my birth to put an ‘elephant’ on my body. That was my answer to myself.

As a woman, I have lived my life with a ‘minus’ through a number of constant actions and incidents which intend to force me to appropriately pretend to be a man and conceal my real identity. To be honest, it was not easy at all. During my childhood, it was so heartbreaking when I was excluded from my reality. My beloved family loves me very much, I know, and I don’t want to hurt their feeling and hope on me. As they wished, I went through this compromise by going to boy schools, cutting hair short until a head skin and wearing male attires 24 hours a day for 18 years. Eighteen years were my childhood and teenage which everyone always thinks that it should be the most happiness moment in life.

Fortunately, my positive strength has helped me to survive while maintaining my real identity. With love, I have attempted to make good understanding with my family. “I could not conceal anymore,” I said to myself and others when I attended a university. However, I need to prove that I can live with a pride and acceptance from the society. Beginning with a ‘minus’ never successfully blocks my passion and endeavor. I always believe that ‘I am a strong woman.’ My shining spot needs to be somewhere ahead. If I gave up and stopped running, walking or even crawling, I would never experience the optimal happiness. Until now, I received higher education and am working prestigious jobs. It has brought pride to my beloved people and led to my fulfilling happiness.

The important fact that the society should understand is that a trans woman is ‘not an alternative gender.’ It is not the way we choose to live but it should be recognized as the way that a ‘strong’ person strives for. Being a trans woman is not a choice and deserves recognition in honor of these people who are strong and never give up. ‘Gender recognition’ is our life and able to enhance our competence that can really matter to the creation of ideal and prosperous community. Many of us are vulnerable and really need support and assistance. Facing with discrimination and exclusion, they are inclined to come up with undesirable solutions and involve in social problems. I urge ‘gender recognition’ laws to prevent and protect our humanity which is believed to be a good start point to empower positive characteristics of ‘strong’ trans woman and eventually lead to the acceptance of the society.